Demon Potential Quiz

Have you, or someone you love, been acting less than angelic lately? If so, perhaps you're just going through a "bad" patch. But if this has been going on for several months and seems to be getting worse instead of better, perhaps something far more sinister—in fact, down right evil—is to blame. Why take chances? Take this quiz and get a better feel for whether you or your dear one have simply become a major pain in the patootie or now face the possibility of eternal damnation due to a nasty case of demon cootie infection (yet another reason to frequently wash your hands and brush after every meal).

For each of the following, select the ONE answer that best describes your situation.

  1. You occasionally find yourself becoming completely rigid. . .
    • But only when it comes to discussing your political views.
    • Making you very popular at certain parties.
    • When you're about to open your bills.
    • When this occurs, you can't be moved, even by multiple people.
  2. Foul odors sometimes surround you . . .
    • When your dog wanders into the room.
    • For no apparent reason.
    • When you're too cheap to visit a Laundromat for weeks at a time.
    • When you've added beans to your chili.
  3. You find yourself becoming cold . . .
    • When you're summoned to your employer's office.
    • Due to a hole you didn't know you had in the seat of your pants.
    • Yet your actual temperature inexplicably remains the same.
    • Because you realize the tuna salad you just ate has been in the fridge for at least 2 weeks.
  4. Odd looking creatures are sometimes seen around you . . .
    • Yeah, they're called in-laws.
    • It's not your fault you can only afford to take the city bus.
    • Usually at your local amusement park's Hall of Mirrors.
    • There's no telling when or where these creatures will appear.
  5. The color of your eyes recently changed . . .
    • Because you started wearing colored contact lenses.
    • You went on a bender and now they're red.
    • They've turned black, much like your heart and deeds.
    • Because more than your attitude is jaundiced.
  6. When you encounter strange dogs . . .
    • They seem to mistake your leg for a fire hydrant or tree.
    • They express an energetic affection for your calves.
    • You sneeze because you're allergic to dogs.
    • Their fur stands on end and they skedaddle, yelping all the way.
  7. While sleeping you. . .
    • Snore. Loudly.
    • Put a pillow on your head because your spouse snores. Loudly.
    • Pound on the wall because your neighbor snores. Loudly.
    • Often levitate off the bed.
  8. Unusual symbols appear on your body in places you can't reach . . .
    • Because your co-workers think it's funny to dump you at tattoo parlors after office parties.
    • Your spouse likes to connect the freckles on your back with a Sharpie while you sleep.
    • They come and go and often change.
    • Two words: bed bugs.
  9. Folks sometimes call you "retro" because . . .
    • It's the kindest way to describe your clothes.
    • You have retro cognition, the weird ability to know about past events you couldn't possibly know about.
    • You start every sentence with "I remember when . . ."
    • Your music collection is all on 8-track tapes.
  10. Your voice may change . . .
    • What do people expect? You're 12.
    • If your mother-in-law shows up at your door, suitcases in hand.
    • When you accidently dip into hot mustard rather than plain.
    • Going from high to low to guttural.