It’s hard to describe my emotions when the FedEx man shows up with …. Page proofs! This is the manuscript with its hair done and its makeup on, all the copyedits included and the type set as it will appear in the book. It’s the author’s last chance for proofreading, very minor edits, and any afterthoughts before the critter is printed.
What I feel is a kind of mix of “cool!” and “ugh, you again” with a bit of “egad, what have they done this time?” The biggest challenge is reading through the thing and paying attention to what’s printed on the page. After editing the book so many times, I’m not sure my brain isn’t supplying what it thinks it should see rather than what’s really there. I try and give it to someone who hasn’t seen it before to double check my work.
On the up side, I had a moment of, “hey, this is darned good stuff!” as I ploughed through the pages. In book form, the pacing is more obvious. I’m witty! I’m action-filled! I have great romance scenes! I have good monsters!
Unfortunately, I also have a fair number of typos. Yep, there’re still a few loose ends sticking out, but not for long.
Now here’s something I never thought of doing: squishing my dearly departed into diamonds. Apparently, it’s not only a reality but financially quite reasonable. Companies are setting up shop world-wide and are becoming increasingly popular.
Some make diamonds from the departed’s ashes, others from hair (which means making a gem from the living or someone who has been buried is also possible). The US-based Lifegem offers their services for pets as well as humans. Basically, if there’s carbon, there’s diamond potential.
This keen-o technology means the funeral service can enter into an entirely new decorative phase, bypassing the entire embalming process in favour of cutting, polishing, and mounting the sparkly deceased into wearable art. It also has the advantage of saving valuable land—no need for burial plot when dear old mum can be mounted in a cufflink.
Author alert: The possibilities for murder mystery plots abound. One could hide the corpse anywhere— as the crystal of a chandelier, the button of the doorbell, an earring (but then you’d need a matched set!).
To make this all just one bit stranger, the technology for creating synthetic diamonds is good enough they can now be graded. No more nonsense about death being the ultimate leveller! Figure out which relations really were gems of the first water.
You never know—that old saying about someone being worth more dead than alive might be true.
I laughed so hard when I read this one.
A would-be intruder tried to enter the Knoxville Museum of Art via the air conditioning duct. When police and firefighters responded to his 911 call, they found a top and cable on the roof and the caller stuck about 45 feet into the ductwork.
When rescued, he told the arresting officers that he was a “special agent” who had rappelled in from a helicopter. The mission was to defuse a Soviet nuclear warhead placed in a blue plastic cow sculpture in the basement of the museum.
Oh, those darned Russian art critics.
Okay, I have a dilemma ….
I have a number of contest give-aways to come up with. I don’t have the money to give away iPods or laptops and constantly giving away copies of my current book is not as good as convincing people to buy it. (I can see, say, giving away the first book in a series if you’re on book two, but I’m not there yet).
Soooo, here are the ideas I have so far:
- Nice chocolate (has the opportunity for seasonal themes like Santas or ghosts)
- DVD sets of current horror classics (the nicer ones, with cute vampires)
- Unique things made by local artists such as:
- Chain mail jewelry
- More traditional jewelry, custom designed
- Glow in the dark mummy figurines (these are sooooo cute!)
- Zombie snowmen figurines c/w chainsaw (cute but disturbing)
- Gift certificate for a small job with a talented graphic artist/web designer
- Gift from www.monolithgraphics.com, my favorite on-line goth emporium
- Starbucks gift card (I assume they’re still everywhere in the universe)
- Basket of organic bath goodies
- Gift card from someplace like Amazon
- Fancy stationery item
What are your top three picks? Remember, you might have a chance to win one! Is there something you’d like to see on the list, but don’t?
I’m having one of those episodes where I start to write what should be a throwaway scene (as in, now we get from situations A to B with as little mucking around as possible) and suddenly my shred of transitional prose is morphing into a key chapter. This is by no means a bad thing—this chapter is obviously needed—but I didn’t see it coming.It never ceases to amaze me how characters can grab the initiative and start telling their own story. I was fretting about how to get my hero and heroine together and wondering what exactly they had in common. Plus, Mac (hero) wasn’t coming across just right. I was trying to be flip and ended up making him shallow.
Then he grabbed the controls. Nicely, but there was no arguing. It was like he took out his notebook, tore out a page, and made a list of the points I had to make. This inner dialogue started at breakfast, and by the time I got to work the material was all there.
I wish Mac could use my computer. Then I could just take off and watch TV tonight while he fixed my pages.